We all live stress filled lives. An overload at work, a child that must be picked up early from school for a doctor’s appointment, the jerk in traffic that just cut you off. A thousand little annoyances during the day can lead to a head full of worries by the end of the day. And you still have to make dinner, help the kids with homework, do a load of laundry, and get up and start all over again in the morning. ARRGH!!

So where did all this stress come from? Don’t we have hundreds of nifty little gadgets that have been invented to help save time? Where would we be without the washer and dryer, dishwasher, microwave, and that wonderful computer? We would probably be without that nasty little beeper and always ringing cell phone, also!! We seem to use our saved time to add other things into our lives instead of using this time for much needed rest.

One modern problem related to all of this nifty electronic stuff is that we can never unplug. We are always connected 24/7 and our friends, family, and unfortunately our employers can always reach us. Twenty years ago, most employers would never call an employee at home unless it was a true emergency it was considered an invasion of private time!!! Today, most folks don’t think twice about calling, paging, beeping, or e-mailing any time of day. I myself just got a call on my cell at 8pm last night from my boss asking to get the serial number off of my office key because he needed to have it in a report to turn in tomorrow. Real emergency stuff and never mind that I have already e-mailed him the same information three times!!! We have to ask ourselves how has the world changed so much? The norm is that we allow and expect our home and private time to be interrupted and infringed upon at will.

Instead of coming home from a regular (ha, ha) eight hour workday and relaxing around a nice home cooked dinner and spending time with family a la Leave it to Beaver, the typical day for the average American worker goes something like this:

- Leave work an hour and a half late because the boss had another last minute emergency project that he knew about a week ago but decided TODAY at 3:30 it had to be done before the end of the day.

- Get stuck in traffic due to an accident on the freeway where another poor slob who had the same late workday got in too much of a hurry.

- Spend that time in the car worrying about bills to pay and things that have to be done before the end of the day.

- Stop by the local chicken mc grease fast food restaurant to grab another quick but unhealthy meal because there’s no time to cook.

- Say a quick hello to family members as they all grab a plate of food and run off to their respective rooms, TVs, or computers.

Sit down with a plate and check and respond to all of the e-mails you didn’t get to answer at work because you were so swamped putting out fires while simultaneously helping little Billy with his homework.

- Say a quick goodnight to the kids as you throw in a quick load of laundry, grab a quick shower and drop into bed too exhausted to do more than hug your sweetie and crash.

- Get up the next morning and start it all again.

No wonder we are all stressed out! Many of us have been led to believe that is the way life is supposed to be and we keep on going until we get sick or have a heart attack. Is there something we can do to regain control of our lives? Yes, dear reader, there is.

Personal time, home time, and family time seem to have gone the way of the rotary dial telephone. However, one of the best ways to start de-stressing your life is to establish some healthy boundaries and begin to experience true down time.

Two of the best new gadgets that have come out in the last few years are caller ID and voice mail. Most people already have these and if you don’t, I would suggest investing the few dollars it takes to add this service. Now the hard part of this is training the family and having the self discipline to actually begin setting house rules on private time.

Schedule time after work each day when you don’t answer the phone, pager, or e-mail. Better yet, put all devices on silent and let all calls go to voice mail for that time. Start with an hour during dinner and slowly expand that time to include most of the hours after work. Decide which calls automatically go to voice mail in the evenings if you do decide to leave the ringer on. Most everyone in my family knows not to answer work related calls for me after 5pm unless they ask first. (The call I got last evening at 8pm from my boss was answered by my dear hubby before he checked the caller ID. I would have let it go to voice mail.) If there is an urgent issue, the person can leave a voice mail and I can decide if it is an urgent matter for me. Remember someone else’s lack of planning does not make a matter your emergency!

For kids and teens, set ground rules for telephone conversations during dinnertime, homework time, and after a certain hour in the evenings. I don’t take kindly to folks calling my house after 9pm. It was considered rude when I was a kid and I still think it is rude today. Call me old fashioned if you must. I also don’t mind giving a free lesson in manners to any kid who calls my house after 9pm!!! It’s never too early to learn good habits.

I will be covering the importance of self-nurturing in a later article, but for now make sure you use at least some of this unplugged time to begin connecting with your family, your friends, or to spend some much needed time on YOU, not for laundry catch up, paying the bills, or other have-to’s.

Now, what about setting those boundaries at work? It’s pretty easy to ignore the call coming in to your phone from your boss at home, (oops, I must have forgotten to take my cell phone with me to the store) It gets a bit more difficult when the boss is standing in your face! Granted, there are times when you just get stuck at work and have to chip in to help. However, if these times are more often than not and if you seem to be getting the lion’s share of this type of intrusion, it’s time to start to change things.

Have you ever noticed that there are always one or two gung-ho/go-to people on a team and the rest are I can’t handle that/I’m too busy people? I’m guessing if you are reading this you come from the first group. MANY TIMES I have been the git-r-done person on the team and instead of getting thanks all I would end up with was more stuff to do! This leads to resentment and anger towards yourself, your boss, and others on the team (who say they are too busy working, but are generally hanging out gossiping in someone else’s cubicle while you are working furiously trying to get all that stuff done).

Now is the time to start examining your role at work. (Remember – we teach others how to treat us through our own actions.) Of course, no change happens overnight, but there are ways to start making the workload a bit more equitable. If you are uncomfortable with saying no or telling the truth when you are too busy, here are a few tips to get you started. I will be discussing ways to say no and boundary setting in more detail in a later article.

First and foremost, stop volunteering!!! The next time a staff meeting rolls around and the boss asks for a volunteer (and everyone turns around expecting you to jump in as usual) keep quiet and let someone else take a turn. Don’t bite off more than you can chew. When the boss comes by and asks you to do that one more thing, have a to-do list of things you already have on your plate and ask “What would you like me to eliminate from this list to do the new task? I am already at capacity. People may be surprised and even act peeved at you for not chipping in as usual. That’s ok they will get used to it in time. Another situation is when you constantly have to stay late to do that emergency project. Now everyone has these once in a while that’s just the way business works. It’s when the once in awhile turns in to three days per week and you are the only one getting these projects (aren’t you special?) that action needs to be taken. When the boss comes by at 3:30 for the fifth day in a row with an emergency project say Gosh, I’d love to help, but I have a commitment for this afternoon and must leave on time today. If that’s not a strong enough reason for you, have a dentist appointment, parent teacher meeting, dinner meeting, club function, SOMETIHING that you just cannot miss!! With time other folks will begin to get their share of these special projects, leaving you on the way home on time hopefully more days than not. And remember once you hit the door remember to use that caller ID and voice mail!